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No, people are not happy living alone

Not in the long run, at least.

For some reason certain sectors of the media have made something of a deal that the world-famous actress Emma Watson recently stated in an interview that not only is she single, not only does she live alone, but she in fact wants it to be so ("self-partnered" she says).

Not surprisingly legions of feminist columnists and bloggers have jumped to her defense with a "you go girl!" attitude, claiming that a woman can actually be happy when living alone.

These people do not understand how the human brain works. They delude themselves into believing that a person can live perfectly well and be completely happy living alone, in a life of solitude, with no companion. Yet, time and again we see people who suffer from the consequences of this. Women in their 30's and 40's who get depressed and desperate. Cat ladies who are neurotic and delusional. Men who become likewise depressed, disillusioned, and sometimes even suicidal or violent.

A person can be happy living alone... but just for some time. It will not last forever.

The thing is, our brains are hard-wired to need companionship and socialization. I'm not just talking about having a sexual partner, but also close friends, family, and a close knit community. Living alone and isolated for extended periods of time can have quite drastic effects on the human psyche, and even physical health.

The reason for this is evolutionary. Humans are a social species where the individual is very weak (compared to most dangers out there), but who are strong in groups and societies. Over millions of years, living in a close-knit community, being part of a group, meant survival. Being cast off from the group, having to live alone, meant death most of the time. Humans, like most social animals, thus naturally developed a very strong instinct of needing to belong to a group, and being morbidly afraid of being alone.

Being ostracized from the group, being rejected, causes an instinctual feeling that's not unlike pain. The brain has been hard-wired to need to belong to the group, and to fear being left alone. Being alone means death.

This can be seen to this day. People who are for example forced into isolation, with no contact with other people whatsoever, quickly develop all kinds of psychological issues and symptoms. They may become paranoid, delusional, depressed, manic, and even start having hallucinations.

Most people in today's society don't have to experience that form of extreme isolation where they never even see other people, as cities are stock full of other people, and they may even have friends and acquaintances they interact with semi-regularly. Therefore the psychological (and even physical) symptoms don't start showing up so quickly, and aren't so severe.

However, if someone lives alone, with nobody living with him, and he spends most of his time alone, symptoms will eventually present themselves. Most often these are things like depression, anger, disillusionment, lack of motivation, anxiety, desperation, stress, and so on. Particularly depression and stress may in turn cause all kinds of physical symptoms (or severely aggravate physical illnesses caused by something else).

The overall result of all this is decreased happiness. A person can not be happy living alone for extended periods of time. Weeks, months, maybe even a few years yes. Decades? No. Sooner or later the symptoms of chronic loneliness will present themselves. The brain is hard-wired so that they will. There is no happiness in loneliness. Anybody who claims otherwise is just outright wrong and delusional.

We'll see how long this "self-partnership" of Emma Watson lasts. I give it a year at the longest.

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